black fish

A black koi fish in Asian paintings is meant to neutralize negative energy and bad luck, and is thus considered a symbol of protection. It’s as if the black fish absorbs all of the surrounding negative energy so that all others can fulfill their purpose.

I think people can be black fish too.

A couple of weeks ago, I received the following horoscope from the visionary Rob Brezsny:

I estimate that about 25 percent of your fear results from your hesitation to love as deeply and openly and bravely as you could. Another 13 percent originates in an inclination to mistake some of your teachers for adversaries, and 21 percent from your reluctance to negotiate with the misunderstood monsters in your closet. But I suspect that fully 37 percent of your fear comes from the free-floating angst that you telepathically absorb from the other 7.69 billion humans on our planet. So what about the remaining four percent? Is that based on real risks and worth paying attention to? Yes! And the coming weeks will be an excellent time to make progress in diminishing its hold on you.

The angst from others that I “telepathically absorb” constitutes 37 percent of the fear I experience, according to this highly attuned, ultra-sensitive reader of messages from the universe. Yes, Rob, that feels about right.

So, what does this actually mean for my life, past and present? I think it means that I have to find a way to process it all without allowing myself to be harmed by the negative energy I absorb. And that, undoubtedly, I have not been very skilled at this so far.

But I wonder if this also means that my presence can be of service to those around me, in the sense that my absorption of others’ angst results in a reduction of the angst they experience—just like the black koi. Like sucking out the poison. If so, you’re welcome.

On the other hand, I have to consider the possibility that my absorption of angst (or what others’ have referred to as my “sensitivity”) has no real impact on anyone else’s life. Although, it may make me a better artist.

Either way, I consider my black fish-ness a gift. Either way, I have to learn to process this negative energy without letting it harm myself or others. Interestingly, just being able to frame my experience in this way has already reduced the tension I feel around other people. Next task: to make progress in diminishing fear’s hold on me.

Thanks, Rob.

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